The Psychology of a Decision

I have decided to undergo no more chemotherapy. For days, I tried without success to envision my having peace of mind while subjecting myself to a course of chemotherapy in the form of irinotecan and Erbotux in the knowledge that at best, at my advanced stage of incurable disease, my courting of this particular chemotherapy's handmaiden, grotesque suffering, had been for the sake of short prolongation of life and the dying process.

At no time in my internal deliberations was I able to convince myself that this chemotherapy under these circumstances would be good for my family or consistent with my desire to maximize the quality of my remaining days. Thus, ironically, unlike my agonizing over the years about countless trivial choices, I was able to make without angst this life-altering decision.