Thursday 1:25 PM
I wonder what motivates other people in situations like mine? The ability still to find meaning in life? Love of even the life of suffering to which they are now reduced? Fear of death? Fear of damnation if they hasten their demise, much less take their own lives? Familial and societal expectations? Inability to face reality? Inertia? Blindly following their doctors' latest protocols for them? Focusing on the trivial things they can still try to control?
July 8, 2010
Thursday 5:08 PM
Since last Friday, when I had a Tenckhoff catheter installed, nine liters of fluid have been drained from my peritoneal cavity—currently at a rate of 0.5 liters three times a day. It is unclear whether my body is now generating more than 1.5 liters a day of this excess fluid. It is also unclear if it could be removed at a faster rate.
One limiting factor on the pace of drainage includes consequent drops in my blood pressure. The drainage sessions are also now triggering migraine headaches.
9:27 PM
The hospice workers who are helping take care of me assure me that it will be impossible for me to stand the pain that is in store for me if I won't take opiates. So I have agreed to a pilot program, which I commenced last night, in which I am taking a small amount of laxatives to try to counterbalance the constipating effect of a tiny amount of oxycodone.
Saturday 10:38 AM
Heading into my minor surgical procedure at MSK on Friday of last week, the biggest risk was that I would have a heart attack or stroke, because I could not receive my daily injection of Fragmin-- which was prescribed for me by MSK-- the day before the operation. Accordingly, I was supposed to be injected with Fragmin as soon as I emerged from the operating room.
When I regained consciousness in the recovery area, I immediately asked about the Fragmin. I was told that the nurses on the floor to which I was headed and where I was to spend the night being observed would take care of it. As soon as I was wheeled on a bed to my hospital room, I asked the nurses to please inject me with Fragmin. As they could find no instructions in my charts, they said that they would have to have a doctor authorize it.
After a few more hours and their eighth call to try to get a doctor to respond to them, I gave up and asked Susan to go home and get a couple of syringes pre-loaded with Fragmin. When she returned with them, I injected myself with one of them. I think that my self medication probably violated hospital rules, and I would guess that it was not recorded in my charts. The nurses thanked Susan and me for taking care of the problem.
Saturday 11:22 AM
Unfortunately, the three toilets for patients all have such shallow bowls that if a man were to sit on them to defecate, his testicles would be immersed in the water. I had first became aware of the existence of such gratuitously degrading toilet-bowl design in MSK's UCC.
Fortunately, by waiting until the doors preventing patients from exiting into the family waiting area were buzzed open to permit passage to some authorized person, I was able to use one of the normally designed toilets in that area.
July 11, 2010
Sunday 11:00 AM
There is a defect in the catheter that was inserted in me last week-- a jagged piece of plastic as sharp as the point of a knife. We wrap the defect in gauze and tape to prevent it from puncturing my skin.
Sunday 6:40 PM
